I don't really have a lot planned for the weekend, but I'm completely fine with just sitting around and doing nothing, seeing as how I was gone for the past weekend and then really busy this week. I'm home free for a bit. I was up until almost 3:00 doing homework last night. I couldn't sleep, so I guess it's better that I do something productive with that time.
I'm feeling this gyration thing, again. Guess I should try to ignore it? I have a really intense disliking for indecisiveness, and it drives me even crazier when that indecisiveness starts affecting other parts of my life. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I know what I'm looking for: someone like me. I want someone that's in my situation and doesn't know what to do with their life as far as the "Gospel" vs. "Gay" thing goes. It would be nice to have someone to connect with-- not just regarding sexuality, but just in general. There is something nice about not being concerned with who you are when you're with other people :). But would that turn into something that I'm not ready for? I guess I'm at the point where I don't really care. I keep seeing guys around campus that I can pretty well pick out as gay, but there really isn't a venue where we can interact... and maybe with good reason. I suppose that would make hooking up a lot easier. At the same time, there's a certain amount of synergy that exists in a group of people with a common goal. However, that wouldn't help me too much because my goal isn't necessarily to live a "straight" life. And then there's counseling... uh... we'll save that as a last resort. I'm nearly certain I know exactly what they'll say to me:
"So, what's the problem"
"Well, I like guys"
"Oh. blah blah blah. I think you should strive to develop healthier relationships with other men in your life."
"Sweet."
"How's your relationship with your dad?"
"Well, as of the past three years, excellent. He was, unfortunately, always away on business when I was little, and our relationship was definitely strained hardcore when I was a teenager. But things are better now. However, I see the damage done when I look at behavioral things that me and my siblings have in common."
"Like what?"
"Well, we all seem to crave some kind of emotional attachment to guys which may very well be why I like guys."
And so it would keep going. I'll pass.
But life goes on.
My shin splints are going away, so I've been able to run again. It feels nice to unwind, to forget about everything else that is going on and just concentrate on breathing. No matter what, my life seems manageable after a few miles. I'm glad that I can be back in the habit because it was no fun to run with shin splints, and it was driving me crazy not to do anything to be active. I should start swimming, again, too... but I'm trying to gain weight and don't think I could afford the calorie intake I'd need to balance out running and swimming.
And thank heavens I have a test in every single class (except one) coming up at the end of next week. Yeah, not spread out over the week, but in the last 2 days. Maybe I can take advantage of this weekend to get a start. I really need to hold on to my good grades.
De todos modos, it's the weekend.
No comments:
Post a Comment