uh...
Anyway, life is good, once again. I feel better. I was also reminded last night why I have stayed in the Church. I guess I don't feel this intense spirituality in my life right now-- in fact, I notice it missing too often. However, I can't deny the fact that I feel the Spirit and have felt it in the past. It's something that I have never felt anywhere else.
Before I joined the church, I was a jerk, and I liked drinking and doing other crap that isn't in harmony with the teachings of the Church. And one day, I realized that I was doing all of that stuff to avoid recognizing myself for what I was-- well, recognizing the fact that I felt completely worthless. But then hearing the Gospel helped me understand that all of us possess an inherent worth that is independent and unaltered by ourselves or those around us. How can I explain how nice it was not to feel worthless?
The Gospel really did make me happy, and for a while after I joined the Church, I wasn't really attracted to guys. I had whatever need it was fulfilled through the Gospel. I wonder why it stopped.
Anyway, I don't think that leaving the Church will suddenly make me feel worthless again, but I've had so many experiences with the Spirit and with the blessings of the Gospel that I could never deny the truthfulness of it. And the fact that I can't question its veracity or forget the miraculous changes that I've seen in myself since joining it has caused me to clutch on to it.
Well, once again, regardless of the path I end up choosing and whether or not it ultimately involves the Gospel, I feel better about myself and my ability to make decisions and accept their consequences. There's a quote that I like a lot, but I can't remember where it is from or if I'm quoting it right:
"There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined mind."
Guess that's my credo of sorts. It's up to me to make what I want with my life.
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