Just Say Yes

Wow.

It's been so long. Believe it or not, I've actually logged on here a couple of times and started a post, but then I've gotten sidetracked and had to leave it. I might go through the unfinished ones and see what I can piece together, but I don't have the desire to do that right now

Long story short, the semester was crazy, and now it's over. I'm pretty happy about it. The END end is almost in sight, but I still have a couple semesters. I lucked out, though, this past year. I had an amazing class schedule, amazing roommates, money, a working car... what more can I ask for?

And then there was the persistent guy...

I guess that might actually be worth updating you on. He texted me out of the blue a couple of months ago. It coincided with my cutting off communication with THE guy, so I was willing to talk.... which led to my hanging out with him and making out... which led to my spending the night... which made this, all in all, an unexpected end-of-the-year development.

What do I feel about the persistent guy? That's a good question. It's what I'm trying to figure out right now. I'm trying to tell if the fact that I'm not completely for it is due to my being a little jaded from that first relationship. I'm generally a cautious person to begin with, and I think I'm coming across as especially aloof, disconnected. I dunno.

And then it forces the very real question of what I want in life- this can't exist in conjunction with the Church, or at least my being a student at BYU.

All the while, this cliche "The Road Not Taken"-style dialogue is playing out in my mind:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the path less traveled by, 

And that has made all the difference.

_____________________________

BUT upon arrival, I understood-

Darkness obscured the sea of faces

The diverging path, the distant wood

The bitter sting, wond'ring if it could

Have led me to brighter spaces.

Facing skyward, set to flight my prayer,

Which brought my spirit 'cross space and time.

The other path and the ending there:

Panged cries and suffocating despair.

My chosen path seemed, at once, sublime.

I am, by no means, a Robert Frost impersonator... and I'm definitely not a poet. I type this to make a point. The way we view the destination (upon arrival) is relative to the antecedent path (for lack of a better word) and our perception of what might have been.

We will, in fact, not be able to definitively know that what we've chosen is correct or the best choice among all available options. This isn't earth-shattering or even important until we are faced with a bifurcate path that will lead to very different outcomes...

Then, the question becomes real: How do I handle this one?

All Again For You

Have you ever seen the movie "War Boys" or whatever it's called?

Don't.

Sorry if this is gonna hurt your feelings, but it is kinda like a good idea filled with a whole lot of illogical events and decent acting. The acting, however, does not make up for the fact that the story just doesn't make sense in some places.

It starts off with these three guys (two white, one Mexican) who chase/harass illegal immigrants as they're trying to cross the border into Arizona or whatever. One of the white kids went off to college and then dropped out and came back. His dad is rich. His other white friend lives in a trailer and has a latina (adopted) sister. Not sure where the Mexican kid lives...

Throughout the course of the movie, you learn that the two white guys had hooked up years before (and then they hook up again... although it isn't graphic or anything). I'll be honest--they're pretty good looking. The three guys hijack a truck from the rich kid's dad's company and drive it out to the desert. It has TVs, and they're going to sell them off to make some money.

The Mexican kid hooks up with a latina who owns a restaurant. She makes him jack off under the table at the restaurant... again, not graphic.

The one kid who lives in a trailer freaks out from making out with his buddy, runs away, sits on the porch all night. His little sister comes out and starts talking to him. He tells her he kissed his friend. She asked if he was going to do it again. He said he didn't know and asked what she would think about having a brother like that. He goes back and hooks up with the kid.

They all converge upon the trailer and open it to find drugs and dead immigrants--apparently the dad was helping them cross the border for cash. Then, people start going crazy, the Mexican kid starts digging in the dirt with his hands to give them a burial......... ok....

Then the dad magically shows up (?) and pulls out a gun (?) and the son takes it and points it at him (?) then the border patrol shows up (?) and a sniper snipes the son (well, hits him in the side), and the kid goes down. The Mexican kid picks up the gun and points it at the dad... for some reason, the sniper doesn't snipe him, and then the latina sister of the one kid magically jumps out of the border patrol car and runs to the Mexican kid and takes the gun and throws it down (?)

What the hell?! Who the hell would go pick up a little girl before making a potential stop somewhere dangerous. Also, how did the maid of the rich dad find out that her nephews were on that truck and had died, and why does the sniper only shoot the first kid, and why the hell is everything suddenly so ridiculous. It was a little dumb--I'll be honest.

But there was something kinda touching about the two friends. I mean, cliche? Yes. But still.

In other news, sat by this kid in class today. He's a cowboy. Like a real one. man...

Don't know what it is about the rugged kind, but they get some mad bonus points. I think it's because my parents did not expose us to that stuff. For a long time, manual labor stuff was hired out. I mean, my parents don't have as much money as they used to, so I've done some heavy labor, but there's still something about guys in that stuff that makes them pretty dang hot.

And that's all I've got for you today.

Stereo Love

It's been a while--I know. I can't believe that time has gone by so fast... seems like every time I turn around, another week has gone by. 

But we're not here for small talk, are we?

An update on my life. Well, persistent guy has been cut out of my life. I wasn't mean, but I was frank. He was wanting something (and pushing for something) that I'm not ready for. When I made it clear that I wasn't going to budge, he kinda just disappeared.

And the original guy (we're gonna have to find a different name for him) is pretty much gone forever, too. I don't know why, but when someone comes in my life and then leaves abruptly, it changes me. With him, he entered, left, came back, left again, came back again, and left (again), and then came back. Well, do that enough times, and you've numbed me to you.

Where does that leave me? With no prospects, yes, but focused on school, work, and trying to get a job at some point in my life. And I'm trying to make good choices. Damn the gray.

I don't see myself as a bad person. Imperfect? Definitely. Very imperfect? Of course. And making good choices is frustratingly subjective, unless it's in the church. I've said it before, but I want to play by the rules while I'm here. It's tough, though. We'll see.

I'm having trouble getting this one out, so I'm gonna just post this for now and try to revisit it later. Guess I have some thinking to do. Don't get me wrong--nothing depressing here. In fact, life has been good. I really can't complain.