Just Say Yes

Wow.

It's been so long. Believe it or not, I've actually logged on here a couple of times and started a post, but then I've gotten sidetracked and had to leave it. I might go through the unfinished ones and see what I can piece together, but I don't have the desire to do that right now

Long story short, the semester was crazy, and now it's over. I'm pretty happy about it. The END end is almost in sight, but I still have a couple semesters. I lucked out, though, this past year. I had an amazing class schedule, amazing roommates, money, a working car... what more can I ask for?

And then there was the persistent guy...

I guess that might actually be worth updating you on. He texted me out of the blue a couple of months ago. It coincided with my cutting off communication with THE guy, so I was willing to talk.... which led to my hanging out with him and making out... which led to my spending the night... which made this, all in all, an unexpected end-of-the-year development.

What do I feel about the persistent guy? That's a good question. It's what I'm trying to figure out right now. I'm trying to tell if the fact that I'm not completely for it is due to my being a little jaded from that first relationship. I'm generally a cautious person to begin with, and I think I'm coming across as especially aloof, disconnected. I dunno.

And then it forces the very real question of what I want in life- this can't exist in conjunction with the Church, or at least my being a student at BYU.

All the while, this cliche "The Road Not Taken"-style dialogue is playing out in my mind:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the path less traveled by, 

And that has made all the difference.

_____________________________

BUT upon arrival, I understood-

Darkness obscured the sea of faces

The diverging path, the distant wood

The bitter sting, wond'ring if it could

Have led me to brighter spaces.

Facing skyward, set to flight my prayer,

Which brought my spirit 'cross space and time.

The other path and the ending there:

Panged cries and suffocating despair.

My chosen path seemed, at once, sublime.

I am, by no means, a Robert Frost impersonator... and I'm definitely not a poet. I type this to make a point. The way we view the destination (upon arrival) is relative to the antecedent path (for lack of a better word) and our perception of what might have been.

We will, in fact, not be able to definitively know that what we've chosen is correct or the best choice among all available options. This isn't earth-shattering or even important until we are faced with a bifurcate path that will lead to very different outcomes...

Then, the question becomes real: How do I handle this one?