Rayando el Sol

Holy crap. This week has been busy.

I'm actually feeling burnt out which is not a good feeling. I have to make it through this semester and one more before I can unwind for a little bit. I think I'll be ok once I get the rest of my tests out of the way for this round. I can't believe that finals are coming up in less than 2 months. I guess it's about time. I'm kind of ready to be done, mostly because all I am doing right now is worrying about whether I get accepted to the programs I need to be accepted to and potentially having to replan my future. 

I got a C on one of my tests. That was sad. And it isn't even curved. I mean, the class is supposed to be tough, but there is no rating for difficulty on your transcript where that grade shows up... so I just have to make sure that never happens again.

Meanwhile, I'm becoming less gay, and I don't know why. Somehow I'm becoming progressively more confused regarding my sexuality. I mean, I was pretty cut-and-dried gay three years ago, and even more so five years ago. I was even pretty sure until a couple of months ago. Now, I find that I really have no desire to hook up with a guy.

What the hell is wrong with me?!

I guess I can't complain because maybe this is a transition to something that is going to make me a lot happier in life, but I'm actually at a point where I don't feel like I even have the ability to choose what I want anymore. Well, I have the power to make the choice, but I don't have the help of my sexuality to determine it.

Yet at the same time, I know you're thinking of a dozen reasons why this is a benefit. I mean, I have the chance to make what I want with my life in that way. Maybe this is just a chance for me to develop a physical attraction to girls? I mean, if I find that I'm not really attracted to anyone, why not just call it a clean slate and start working toward a "straight" orientation? And then I feel like I'm a freak for not wanting to have sex with anyone... uh, that sounds weird, but you know what I mean.

So I guess I can't really think of myself as a gay mormon anymore... more like a (gay?) mormon...

ugh. Well, I can't really complain, but I hope that this period of limbo is short and that I can arrive at some kind of resolution. 

Arde el Cielo

Wow, this week turned out to be intense.

I officially have one test out of the way and am not quite sure how I'm going to get everything else done by Saturday. Did my teachers all conspire against me?

But it has certainly distracted me from anything else I could worry about in life. I think my problem this semester was that I put all very important classes in my schedule. They determine my acceptance to random programs and whether or not I have a future. My actual credit load is lighter, but the classes are more intense and I have to do well in all of them.

No pressure.

What else is new?

I have two dates lined up for the weekend. That's plenty of money for one week, so I cut it off at there. They both kind of fell into my lap, but I'm excited. At they very least, it is fun... at least I have fun on my dates, so I'm going to assume that my dates at least aren't bored out of their mind. 

And with the exception of this blog and one kid that I e-mail, I haven't really talked to anyone about they "gay mormon" thing. I don't really have the strong urge. I swear I was at a point earlier where I thought I was going to explode if I didn't talk to someone about it. I think I just needed to get it out. I tend to be like that-- constantly think about something until I put words to it by talking about it or writing it. Well, my point is that I think this blog has helped. I can type until I talk myself out of being so freakin crazy.

I really should take a nap. I watched NCIS until midnight last night before deciding I should study for my physics test that I had to take today... thankfully I still did fine, but now my brain is fried and I'm way tired.

Ok, I've got half an hour before another review session for another test, so I'm going to go take a nap quick.

Passenger Seat (Death Cab for Cutie)

There's a couple lines that they sing in this song that if someone ever told me in real life, I would be theirs. 

uh...

Anyway, life is good, once again. I feel better. I was also reminded last night why I have stayed in the Church. I guess I don't feel this intense spirituality in my life right now-- in fact, I notice it missing too often. However, I can't deny the fact that I feel the Spirit and have felt it in the past. It's something that I have never felt anywhere else.

Before I joined the church, I was a jerk, and I liked drinking and doing other crap that isn't in harmony with the teachings of the Church. And one day, I realized that I was doing all of that stuff to avoid recognizing myself for what I was-- well, recognizing the fact that I felt completely worthless. But then hearing the Gospel helped me understand that all of us possess an inherent worth that is independent and unaltered by ourselves or those around us. How can I explain how nice it was not to feel worthless? 

The Gospel really did make me happy, and for a while after I joined the Church, I wasn't really attracted to guys. I had whatever need it was fulfilled through the Gospel. I wonder why it stopped.

Anyway, I don't think that leaving the Church will suddenly make me feel worthless again, but I've had so many experiences with the Spirit and with the blessings of the Gospel that I could never deny the truthfulness of it. And the fact that I can't question its veracity or forget the miraculous changes that I've seen in myself since joining it has caused me to clutch on to it. 

Well, once again, regardless of the path I end up choosing and whether or not it ultimately involves the Gospel, I feel better about myself and my ability to make decisions and accept their consequences. There's a quote that I like a lot, but I can't remember where it is from or if I'm quoting it right:

"There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined mind."

Guess that's my credo of sorts. It's up to me to make what I want with my life.

Be My Escape

Wow.

I feel crappy. I shouldn't. I'm overreacting.

There are millions and millions of people in far crappier situations than mine, but I feel like my world is falling apart. I know-- it's overreacting. I wish I could find some way to chill out a little bit. At the same time, you really get the worst of it. I'm going to close my laptop after I finish this post and go running or hang out with some friends or something, and then my life will be better.

I know I've said this before, but my sexuality is not my defining characteristic. At the same time, it has been taking too much time and energy and has begun to define the rest of my character. Well, I've been making an effort to fix that.

I guess I just feel crappy if I'm not liked for-- 

Nevermind. I know that my life is going to be ok. I'm not entirely sure how it is going to be ok, or what "ok" is going to look like, but I know it will be.

We all have our obstacles, our challenges in life. It's our unfortunate blessing to have that kind of "resistance training" to shape us and mold us. At times, I really feel like bailing out, but there is always something holding me back. I don't understand why.

I mean, why did I fight so hard to become a member of the church? I knew I was gay. I knew what the church's views were regarding it, but I fought my way through way too much crap so that I could make the church a part of my life-- so that I could live the Gospel.

And what keeps me in it? I wish I could say it was the expectations of my parents or a fear of letting down someone. I wish I could say it was my devotion to the Gospel and its teachings. I wish I could say it was because of my enrollment here at school.

It sounds awful, but I don't think it is any of those.

I was sitting in church yesterday (and I really did make it through a long time since sacrament is the last meeting), and I was reflecting on how I feel about the Gospel. I can't imagine my life being better without it. So I guess that in that sense, it is keeping me in the church. But at the same time, I'm not fully-invested in it. I'm one of those "lukewarm" people that the Lord spews out of His mouth in Revelation.

Its a spiritual gyration.

It has to stop. I can't live my life on the fence. But I can't find what I'm looking for... and that sounds way too much like that U2 song. Until I do, I don't think I'll be able to let go of one or the other.

Labios compartidos

First things first, that girl definitely had another guy with her last night. That made me insanely jealous. They obviously weren't dating seriously, and we're not dating seriously, but it's the principle of the thing! Actually, I feel like I'm being completely irrational.

And secondly, is it possible that there is actually someone out there who will take an interest  in my life? This is the weirdest place in the world (Utah) to be gay because there really seem to be only two extremes: guys that want to hook up with you, and straight guys. It would be nice to find a gay guy (same situation as me) that I could actually be friends with, but it seems like, on the rare occasion that I find one, we talk a couple of times and that's it.

Time out--

Maybe I'm crazy? Socially awkward? I don't have a problem making straight friends, so maybe I throw off this "crazy" vibe that only gay guys detect. I didn't think I was weird...

Wow, that thought didn't cross my mind until I started  blogging. So how does one go about making platonic friendships with gay guys? I mean, it has to be possible. I'm not a "gay expert," but I don't think that all gay guys everywhere are in it with every single other guy for the sex.

So I can make straight friends, but not gay ones. What the heck? My life is weird.

Anyway, the moment in time that I can find a reliable guy that actually seems interested in my life (because, generally speaking, I'm interested in other peoples' lives) and actually communicates with me on a regular basis will definitely be a monumental moment. Until then, I just have to hold on to my straight friends and keep weeding through.

Wow, this sounds pathetic.

Church was so boring today. I knew it was a bad sign when I fell asleep in sacrament meeting, woke up feeling refreshed, and realized that we had only gotten through the first speaker. I tried to look official, gathered my things, and tried to walk off in a way that made me look like I was headed to some important meeting. It worked.

And I'm not ready for school tomorrow. In fact, I really should be going to bed, but I wanted to blog and get this off my chest. Otherwise, I just lay in bed and think about it all night. So there you have it.

I Woke up in a Car

Am I gay?

This is another point where I wish I could get a little feedback. But I will continue to strive to keep this blog buried in the depths of cyberspace.

Here's the deal:

I haven't looked at porn in a while. This is going to sound weird, and I'm sorry that this post will contain too much information and may cause awkward shifting. So yeah, I hadn't looked at porn in a while-- like a month or more. I was kind of wondering what was wrong with me, so I decided to check it out yesterday. It did absolutely nothing for me, if you know what I mean. It was actually kind of gross.

...

Now if that could be coupled with a magical attraction to girls, life would be complete... and so would this blog. But I'm not. But I'm also not not. uh, you know what I mean.

What the heck is wrong with me? I tried to check it out again this morning, and it was the same thing-- I was grossed out. Maybe I'm just recognizing it for what it is. Like I wrote in the first post, the thought of having sex with a guy seems kind of sick. But what I am (well, "was" for the time being) attracted to was the masculinity. Sounds gay (lame, I mean), I know. 

I had a pretty fun date last night, too. 

Do people have "off" times with their sexuality? I mean, am I just at a different level on the roller coaster?

I guess I remember reading something about that "Kinsey" scale or whatever it was-- 6 being exclusively homosexual and 0 being exclusively heterosexual. But I almost feel "exclusively asexual" which would be the worst possible scenario. It isn't my diet, I'm not depressed, I exercise, I'm not overly-stressed. In fact, I feel happier with myself and my life than I have in a while... not that i was particularly unhappy with it to begin with.

So there you have it. Why am I suddenly not attracted to guys? Well, I feel the beginnings of an attraction to girls which is better than I can say for guys right now, so maybe I'll go with that.

By the way, it is a good sign when my pandora stations finally start to play all songs that I like.

So Impossible

Praise the Lord-- it's Friday.

I don't really have a lot planned for the weekend, but I'm completely fine with just sitting around and doing nothing, seeing as how I was gone for the past weekend and then really busy this week. I'm home free for a bit. I was up until almost 3:00 doing homework last night. I couldn't sleep, so I guess it's better that I do something productive with that time.

I'm feeling this gyration thing, again. Guess I should try to ignore it? I have a really intense disliking for indecisiveness, and it drives me even crazier when that indecisiveness starts affecting other parts of my life. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I know what I'm looking for: someone like me. I want someone that's in my situation and doesn't know what to do with their life as far as the "Gospel" vs. "Gay" thing goes. It would be nice to have someone to connect with-- not just regarding sexuality, but just in general. There is something nice about not being concerned with who you are when you're with other people :). But would that turn into something that I'm not ready for? I guess I'm at the point where I don't really care. I keep seeing guys around campus that I can pretty well pick out as gay, but there really isn't a venue where we can interact... and maybe with good reason. I suppose that would make hooking up a lot easier. At the same time, there's a certain amount of synergy that exists in a group of people with a common goal. However, that wouldn't help me too much because my goal isn't necessarily to live a "straight" life. And then there's counseling... uh... we'll save that as a last resort. I'm nearly certain I know exactly what they'll say to me:

"So, what's the problem"

"Well, I like guys"

"Oh. blah blah blah. I think you should strive to develop healthier relationships with other men in your life."

"Sweet."

"How's your relationship with your dad?"

"Well, as of the past three years, excellent. He was, unfortunately, always away on business when I was little, and our relationship was definitely strained hardcore when I was a teenager. But things are better now. However, I see the damage done when I look at behavioral things that me and my siblings have in common."

"Like what?"

"Well, we all seem to crave some kind of emotional attachment to guys which may very well be why I like guys."

And so it would keep going. I'll pass.

But life goes on.

My shin splints are going away, so I've been able to run again. It feels nice to unwind, to forget about everything else that is going on and just concentrate on breathing. No matter what, my life seems manageable after a few miles. I'm glad that I can be back in the habit because it was no fun to run with shin splints, and it was driving me crazy not to do anything to be active. I should start swimming, again, too... but I'm trying to gain weight and don't think I could afford the calorie intake I'd need to balance out running and swimming. 

And thank heavens I have a test in every single class (except one) coming up at the end of next week. Yeah, not spread out over the week, but in the last 2 days. Maybe I can take advantage of this weekend to get a start. I really need to hold on to my good grades.

De todos modos, it's the weekend.

Saints and Sailors

It's actually sunny here.

Thank goodness. There really is something to the "no sunlight" bit with not enough vitamin D and whatever the heck else it does.

I'm skipping class which gives me mixed emotions. On one hand, it is a religion class. On the other hand, it's a religion class. I mean, sometimes they can be "knock-your-socks-off" amazing and insightful, but as far as being detrimental to my grade, well, that's not a concern. I just had a lot to do today and then really felt too lazy to get up and walk to one class so that I could turn around and come home. So instead, I'm going to blog...

What happened yesterday? Well, I had a date with a girl (haha, I only go on man-dates in SF). I like her a lot. This sounds weird, but I actually feel like I have the beginnings of a physical attraction to her. That doesn't happen terribly often for me. I'm not really sure how to handle the whole situation, though, because if I'm going to date her, it needs to be serious because that is what she's wanting. However, I have this fear that we do date seriously, and the time comes where I'm not able to take it any further, you know? To be frank (really frank), if I find a girl that I'm emotionally attracted to and could have sex with, I'm just going to have to do anything and everything to marry her. But until then, I don't want to lead a girl on. Then again, how am I supposed to be able to develop a physical attraction if I never give it a chance.

This is one of those times where I'd like some actual input. But I like the fact that I can write this and not worry about people reading it. I mean, if you find it, congratulations; but I'm not going out of my way to get readers.

Either way, I have a lot of fun with her.

She asked me what makes me tick. I needed clarification. To preface this story, I don't really like talking about myself... um, outside of "blog-land," that is. Yeah, there's a certain amount of information that I'll share, but there isn't really any intimate information that I ever share with anyone. Having said that, she asked me what it is about me that makes me able to make a decision and stick with it regardless of whether or not I have the support or blessing of those around me. It was provoked, I imagine, by things she heard from someone else. Vague, I know, and it would be less confusing if I presented this in some other way, but trust me: it's saving us both the pain of a really, really long blog.

I don't know. What does make me tick? Why is it that I can fight with everything that I have, even when I'm in it alone? Because, to be honest, I really do crave support and validation. I really do like to hear someone say that they're proud of me or that I've done a good job. But when it comes down to it, it's not my motivation. What is? Why can I fight for something even when my parents tell me they're disappointed in me and the choice it is that I'm making? They have hardly ever done that in my life, by the way. Even still, I'm willing to fight for it. I guess in those occasions, I know that what I'm doing is the right thing. I think my motivation comes from somewhere else. And I also think that I allow myself very little slack. It isn't acceptable for me to excuse myself because I lacked some outside support. Still, there's something that makes me steadfast, driven. Whatever it is, it has helped me be ok with myself-- my gay mormon self-- and has helped me realize that I will be happy with whatever path I choose in this forked road.

Crooked Teeth

I'm amazed that I managed to write anything intelligible yesterday. I was so freaking tired-- so tired that the first time I woke up this morning, the house was already empty. I'm a light sleeper, so that almost never happens.

I don't know if I can give credit to the blog, or if Provo is slipping Prozac into its water, but I feel so much better. Granted, this is only my fourth post, and I could just be in for a roller-coaster ride of contentment and a deep, dark, cold depression with this blog, but I can't help but feel better about myself and my outlook on life.

I was thinking today that I'm glad that I can put these thoughts down on paper... computer... uh, either way, I can verbalize these thoughts and then stop worrying about them. I think I also feel better knowing that I'm perfectly ok with whatever path I choose in life. The easier one (in a lot of ways, but you could argue against it) is obviously to live a "straight" life, but I will be ok with myself if that isn't how my life turns out.

I suppose I should probably warn you that I had pretty intense ADD growing up and still have problems with it at times, so if my thoughts seem incoherent, they very well may be.

I played trumpet when I was younger. And because this is an anonymous blog, I can tell you that I was good. I started in 5th grade and stopped when I graduated, and there was only one time (in 8th grade, and it wasn't even an important audition) that I didn't win whatever it was that I was competing in: All-State, Solo contests, whatever auditions. But the thing was that I was a hardcore perfectionist. I only felt happy with myself if I played everything perfectly, and with something as subjective as music, "perfect" doesn't really exist. I wanted to go to Juilliard or Curtis and had a legitimate chance of making it. My teacher had sent students to both and said that I was the best that he had worked with, and I was the top in my state. Ok, now I'm going to stop jactandome and bring it home. The thing is that I actually hated myself because I couldn't be perfect at it. I would practice and practice and be still so angry at myself for making a mistake.

So I stopped. I dropped all of my auditions and applied to BYU. I put my trumpet away after a few months and didn't pull it out again. Finally, after 2 1/2 years, I pulled it out again and started playing, and I love it. The question is, what changed?

I'm not a perfectionist.

I'm perfectly happy with the fact that I just can't do everything perfectly in my life and that, oddly enough, I'm a lot more successful when I'm not worried about being perfect. And I think that I've been having trouble taking that mentality and applying it throughout my logic. It has bothered me for so long that I'm gay because I want to be able to live the "perfect" mormon life-- one for which people can be proud of me. And it made me hate myself because perfection in life is impossible... literally impossible, so I could never achieve it. I'm becoming increasingly ok with the fact that I'm going to make mistakes and realizing that the standards to which I was holding myself were so high that all I could feel was despair when I failed to achieve them. That despair fueled this mentality that made me make worse choices.

But a really weird set of current circumstances has helped me reevaluate my life. Now, I'm content with trying my best and not letting it eat me up inside if I fall short. I have more realistic expectations for myself, and I feel  happier about it. I've even been exceeding those expectations. It's just like my trumpet-- to be honest, I think I'm actually better now (and this is after 2 1/2 years of not playing) than I was at my height before quitting.

I've decided that no matter how my life turns out (concerning my sexuality), I'm going to be happy with myself. Gay or straight, I'm going to live a good life.

Are we human, or are we dancer?/ Defying Gravity

Quite possibly the catchiest tune I have heard. To be honest, the lyrics don't even make sense to me, but I don't care.

I was kind of craving blogging this past weekend. I was on vacation, and I don't have the desire to explain the whole "gay mormon blogging" endeavor that I have undertaken.

I was in San Francisco this past weekend. It was a very strange experience, but I'm pretty sure I found where I want to live once I graduate and take off for bigger and better things. It was really amazing there-- the weather was beautiful, the people were refreshingly liberal, and I had the overall feeling that there was more to life than working. I also loved the fact that no one seemed to care or judge. I spent the whole weekend walking around with my roommate, and I'm sure that we looked gay, but no one seemed phased.

I think the most hilarious part was when we ended up seeing "Wicked" on Valentine's day evening. At the time we were making these plans, it really didn't register. Anyway, we were just another "gay" couple in the crowd-- not even a big deal.

How can I explain? It just didn't seem like any of that was a big deal. It's not even the life I've necessarily chosen to live, but it seemed (as a continuation of my last post) that either way, no one was concerned. I love BYU for a lot of things, but there is a definite lack of liberalism and open-mindedness. It was nice to be in a place where I wasn't worried about who I was-- in that sense, at least.

So my master plan is to move out there, and I'm hoping that I can make that plan come to fruition. Thank goodness for the fact that my parents pay for my housing, so that takes some of the pressure off. I didn't decide that because I'm looking to live a gay lifestyle but because I'd like to be in a place where I can have an easier time coming to grips with myself and not feel like it is going to throw society into chaos and send mountains crashing down on me. Maybe then, I will be able to see clearly enough to know what will truly make me happy. Now, that may sound like I'm setting myself up to be gay, but I don't see it like that. It might be that I'm choosing not to see it like that, but I know for sure that I loved it out there and would be happy living there.

And "Wicked"-- what an amazing show. I got to see it once before, and it certainly wasn't in the least bit old a second time around. It was kind of funny how the theme lined up in some ways with my life. Do you live your life to be liked by other people? Do you live your life as you really are and potentially give up social status, friendship, acceptance? The answer is obvious but still difficult. The thing that gets me, though, is that in both cases, they knew they would be happy or at least had a really strong indication. I do have a dilemma, but the hang-up for me is the fact that I'm not sure which path will make me happy with myself. I do feel like that is the most important, but I'm not sure how to get there.

After the end of the first act, I was ready to drop out of the Y and transfer to UCSF. Oddly enough, we talked about apostatizing in church the next day :). 

Regardless, a weekend of sunshine and warm can make life feel so much happier. It's definitely time for spring.

And as annoying as the Killers can be, this song is inspired.

Caraluna

I know this kid that is dealing with the same thing as me. We had been e-mailing back and forth for a while and decided to meet up in person. It was a lot of fun but a little bit awkward. I mean, there was this weird feeling kind of like a date, but neither of us were in it with those intentions. The nice thing was that I didn't feel completely insane-- there are actually other people like me out there, and I don't have to worry about any slip-ups or the way I act because I don't have anything to hide. It was a relief.

And suddenly I don't hear from him anymore... Yeah, I can take a hint...

So I'm back to square one.

Maybe it was a good thing, and I'm sure I will understand at some future time and place. I guess I was getting strangely attached to him, and maybe that was part of the reason. The thing is, I don't understand why it bothers me so much. No, I know why it bothers me-- it is the first time I've really gone out on a limb. It was the first time I ever dropped my guard. I guess I was hoping for a different response.

Thank goodness for my friends. They always seem to be right there without knowing that I really need them. I know they don't know that I'm gay, but they make me happy and seem fine with the person that I am, minus the "gay mormon" part. And I currently have As in all of my classes. So as much as it seems like this one aspect of my life is a horrible mess, maybe I need to shift my focus a little bit.

But that is easier said than done. That requires letting go of something I've clutched so obsessively for as long as I can remember. That requires changing the way that I define myself, the way that I see myself when I look in the mirror. This is something that has taken so much of my time and energy for so many years that I feel like this is what makes me who I am. As much as I don't like seeing myself the way that I do, I feel comfortable with it. To change would be to jump off of a cliff into pitch black, into something that I can't be sure will be better. However, if I don't do something to stop this emotional masochism, I might jump off of a real cliff. There's more to me, you know? More to me than the fact that I like guys. Changing the way I define myself won't make it go away, but it will allow me to focus on things that are more important to me.

We'll see how that goes.

"Caraluna" is the song that I'm listening to right now. Thank goodness for pandora.

The Dilemma

I'm not really the blogging type, but I couldn't pass up the chance to verbalize my thoughts while maintaing anonymity and a complete lack of accountability. Writing this down in a journal would take way too long, and the fear of one day having to explain it to someone would loom horrifyingly over me as long as the journal remained in existence.

If you find this, I can only hope my life can provide enough entertainment to compensate you for the time you spend reading this crap. But regardless, something tells me this blog is going to fulfill the purpose for which it was created.

Here's the deal: I'm gay. That wouldn't be such a huge problem if I weren't LDS and a returned missionary. But I am, and it is. Well, maybe it wouldn't even be such a huge problem if I knew what I wanted in life, but that is where the road forks, and that is where I have spent the past few years of my life. My mission president called it "spiritual gyrations"... an odd mental image. No, he wasn't referring to my undecidedness, but I drew an instant connection to myself as I was hearing it. I go back and forth on what I want in life. To be honest, if I knew I would be happy one way or the other, I would make the choice. If I believed in those magic 8-balls, I would ask one and then shake it... but even those don't always give me definite answers.

And here are my options:

1. Stay in the Gospel, maybe get married and have a family... maybe not... Would I be happy? I don't know. I can be reasonably sure that I would be happy with a wife and kids. The kicker is the possibility of being alone and celibate. I don't consider myself a hormone-driven, irrational kind of guy, but every part of my existence screams at that thought.

2. Be gay-- live the life. ... It's hard to explain. Would I be happy? I don't know. The thought of having sex with a guy seems pretty sick. I told you it is hard to explain. Don't get me wrong-- I like guys, and when I don't think about it, I could see myself being with a guy and perfectly happy about it. However, when I REALLY start to think about it, it seems kind of gross. There is the possibility of messing around with guys to check it out, but then the "LDS" thing comes into play where I really value my Church membership... and my enrollment in BYU. And I can already tell you now that I would feel an intense, intense amount of regret. Though I know it wouldn't be, the damage to me would seem irreparable.

So there you have it-- my dilemma. I try to keep it at no more than two options so that it can be a true dilemma, not an impostor.

The funny thing is that the rest of my life seems perfectly fine. I'm healthy, have good friends, don't have money problems, and I feel like my future is relatively promising. Those are things that would give me a pretty good reason to worry. Maybe I'm being dramatic. I try not to overreact to situations, but I guess that we don't always recognize the times when we're overreacting... or else we would only react at the optimal amount.

So there you have it. I feel like I've reached another milestone in my life with this blog. I don't know if I have enough interesting things to blog on a daily basis, but we'll see what happens. So as much fun as this was, there's a pile of homework calling out to me.