The Gift

Ok, not mad at him anymore. 

I kind of see where things can't get so serious anymore between us. The "no physical contact" thing did not work out too well yesterday... we just kind of started out cuddling. And then, we ended up naked? And then left to cool off... and then came back and ended up in the same place? I don't even know how it gets to that point. 

But yeah, now I understand the importance of the "no physical contact" because just a little makes things go a long way. And then I realized that I probably wasn't even mad to begin with. Well, I was, but it was more sexual frustration haha. I was going crazy without getting any, you know? Anyway, frustration released, and I realize that he's a cool guy. Like I said before, I'm gonna be sad when he leaves, but I guess I'll just have to cross that bridge when i get to it.

It did make for a pretty amazing day yesterday. I felt pretty guilty afterward, though. Then I went for one of the fastest runs I've ever had. Every time I thought about how sorry I was, I ran faster. I was completely beat by the end, but it was 10 seconds better than my previous best time and a minute faster than what I normally run. 

After that, I went and showered, and another kid called me up to go hang out. I knew him from that fireside thing. We went and met up with some other gay guys. It was pretty funny... awkward at first just because I'm not used to being around people and having them know I'm gay? 

Anyway, then I had a nightmare last night that one of my friends saw me and this guy through the blinds of my room. He came up to me in my dream and was like, "Who was the guy I saw you with in your room?" and I kept pretending like I had no idea what he was talking about, and he was like, "He looked kind of like that guy that got killed earlier today." And then I tried to play it calm around him so he didn't think something was up, but I my heart started pounding, and I started freaking out when he left. 

I woke up with my heart still pounding. It felt so real. I'm glad it wasn't. There was a text from him on my phone saying we really shouldn't have physical contact anymore. He's right. I think I'm ok with that this time.