Africa

Well, it has been a little while.

I made it through finals, though I briefly considered murder-suicide. Now, I'm at the mercy of the curve... which isn't a great feeling, but what can you do? I just feel happy to be finished finally. And I'm home which has been amazing. I have been eating a ton, still managing to run so that I'm not a fatty when I get back, and I've managed to get a decent amount of sleep every night. I think my body is a lot happier with me... even if I'm not eating as healthy as I was back at school. Besides that, there has been a whole lot less stress in my life right now. 

I'm still kind of stressing out over this guy, though. I was feeling pretty pissed last night, especially. I mean, when we first met, and there for the first little bit, he was way, way nice. He treated me really well. Then, something changed, and I don't know what it was. Anyway, I feel like I try to treat him the best that I know how, and he just kind of blows me off in return. In fact, I was thinking about it, and it seems like the only time he's nice to me is when he's horny. 

I used to be a big asshole to people because I wanted to make sure I was never someone's doormat. Then, I decided I was going to be nicer to people, but it has been really tough to keep it up. I find myself being nice until I suspect that I'm becoming a doormat, and then I turn back into an asshole to them, and no one is happy with that... Yeah, I feel a little more empowered, but I'd rather circumvent the whole thing and just arrive at some kind of resolution without it. 

So that's the predicament. Maybe I should try to find somebody else. I guess I would just really like someone to treat me like my life is important to them. I deserve it-- I do. I don't know. I guess I'll give this guy a fair chance, but I can already feel myself switching into asshole mode. What happened? He really was way nice to me. Now it doesn't seem like he cares. 

Anyway, I went with my dad and a couple of his friends to watch a game last night. They all ended up drinking five or six beers which was kinda funny... except for the part where they still drove afterward and proceeded to drink another pitcher of beer while eating pizza. To each their own, I guess, but I'd rather not die. It was pretty funny to see how guys don't really change when they get older. I also was reminded about how many connections I have back here. It kind of makes me want to stay in Iowa. All of my dad's friends are really successful business men or politicians-- it was basically his job to make friends with those people. Anyway, we talked business which was actually pretty interesting, and I got some pretty good pointers. Then, I came home and crashed 'cuz I was way tired.