This is the Countdown

Something seemed kind of weird after last Monday. Well, starting tuesday, I mean. It took me a long time to talk myself into believing that he actually liked me. Now I'm starting not to believe it, again.

Why? I don't know. I guess I'm really sensitive to change-- when something is a little different from before. I mean, the way he talks to me and the fact that he doesn't talk to me as much anymore or say the stuff he used to. We also haven't done anything since that day. I mean, we've been together but not in situations to mess around or whatever. 

How should I feel?

I guess I just want to know what happened. Part of me thinks I'm overreacting, and part of me thinks that that other part is just wishing I were. I want to talk to him about it, but I hate being dramatic, and I'm worried that maybe it has just been a weird past week. 

And, again, a lot of it has to do with me. I guess I get attached pretty quick. Well, I do it with reason-- this is a really weird thing to be dealing with, and it feels so different and nice to be open with someone about it and be accepted in spite of it, so it hurts when you suddenly feel like you've been dropped. And then there's the fact that I have a hard time believing that anyone would like me to begin with. I guess I can't help but keep picking out my shortcomings. 

I guess this could be more of my fault, then. If it's my fault that he stopped liking me, I guess I'd like to know what I did so that I can try not to make the same mistakes. 

Dang it. This hurts. I hate that it hurts so much. I hate that my happiness depends so much on someone else. I wish I knew how to fix it.