A Praise Chorus

I should be confused right now.

Things kind of "un-tapered" last night...

But I feel ok. I don't feel a spiritual gyration. I'm trying to be more patient. I'm not perfect; I don't need to know and understand everything right in this moment. I'm not trying to justify my actions; I'm just done being angry with me.

"I thought we were done," she said, "but then you called, again, and I felt something rekindle." She knows. By the way, I'm trying not to use key words in my posts because I found my blog surprisingly quickly when googling other blogs like mine...

And then he calls. Of course they both happen within an hour of each other. "I love you," he says. "I miss you." No one has ever said that to me before, except in a familial setting.

I feel like I should be torn up right now, but I've come to grips with the fact that my emotions, apparently, lack any sense of rationality. I've just learned to expect that they be confusing, unreasonable, uncertain, imperfect. As much as I've clung to objectivity and rationality in my life, I've loosed my grip, suspended my expectations.

I'm not in a race, I don't have a deadline... well, that's debatable...

It's going to be ok-- that's what I keep telling myself. It feels good to believe it.