I like studying business. I like it because the only way to be successful (dang it, I hate absolutes because they can always be argued. You are not welcome to disprove this statement.) is to be confident, articulate, aggressive (in a BYU-honor-code-friendly way).
I'm not any of those things unless it becomes necessary. And it is, now. I kind of like it. For some reason, I don't feel so self-conscious about the fact that I'm gay... We go back and forth on this a lot, I know, but feelings are weird and confusing. Aaaanyways, the fact that I have these issues to deal with is suddenly unimportant because I'm busy and focused on something that really isn't affected by sexuality.
Whatever. Wording crap is hard sometimes.
Suffice it to say that I feel great having purpose, direction, a sense of urgency, and some competition. I'm trying to fight for my future, you know?
And the more I get into my studies, the less sure I am that I want to go to medical school afterwards. I tried telling my mom, once. "Really?" she said with a very sad tone, "But I thought you wanted to be a doctor?" Magically, I got the same response (with slight variations in wording) from my dad, step-mom, and two sisters. I think they want me to be a doctor?
Ok, I'm going to put that decision on hold for right now. But It's kind of sad that I actually really look forward to studying. It's nerdy, I know, but I read about investments for three hours the other night and wanted to keep going.
I appreciate the shift in focus... the necessary shift in focus. The guy continues to perplex me at times, but something about the whole situation seems better now.
I almost stepped on a rattlesnake last night when I was running. It was scary. Besides that, I felt great. I ran 10.5 miles and only saw two people. I love that trail. I love being up there where it is quiet. It gives me a chance to let my mind wander (until I almost step on snakes). Contemplating helps me keep things in perspective.
I'm going to go do some homework.
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