Kill

Part of me doesn't want to be sitting at my computer on a Friday night. The other part of me is ok with it. I kind of like the time to download. I don't understand how I became an introvert. I think it started in my mission. I remember getting really tired of talking to people by the end of it. I decided that I didn't want to talk to anyone when I got home. Haha. That didn't work too well, of course, but I was just glad that I didn't have to talk to so many people anymore...

But it's weird. I definitely wasn't like this before my mission.

Anyway, I have to finish a couple of assignments to submit for tonight and tomorrow, so I guess that I don't really have any choice at all. I had a hiccup, today. It's taken care of, I think.

What do I want to talk to you about? What I want for the future, I guess. I realized today that I do not want to have a career in the area of my major that I was thinking about. I don't want to work 100 hours a week, pull all-nighters. I could do that once in a while, but it would really, seriously affect my productivity. And I also realized that I don't really want to work for someone higher up. From my dad's work, I spent a lot of time around people that were independent, self-made, wealthy individuals who had good ideas and worked hard for themselves. I see my dad doing the same thing, too. They work hard, but they seem happy. They make a good living, too.

But I like the problem-solving, analytical kind of thinking of my major. Maybe I really will go to med school-- I like the problem-solving, working with people, a minimal amount of politics and latter-climbing... maybe I'll just live with my parents. They have jobs.

I think this whole "being gay" thing is what I need in my life to break my will and force me to depend on the Lord. It isn't such a bad thing after all, as long as I don't let it be.