Brighter Than Sunshine

I really wish this would go away. I wish they would go away--the guys that I wonder about, the ones that get to me, the ones that stir and unsettle and make me question my steadfastness. I'm glad I don't know for sure, or I would end up doing something stupid, again. But not knowing doesn't make things much better because the hypothetical situations don't play out ideally in my head.

Anyway, it drives me crazy. I don't know what the heck is my problem.

I've been doing so much better, though. I just want to hold on. I'm glad that there isn't anyone left here that knows about me, that I don't keep in contact with guys that I could have a problem with, not even the guy.

It's just back to being a secret.

I don't know where it came from, but last week, one of my friends (a girl... it might be unsettling if a guy asked me this) asked me what I thought 'love' was. We were waiting for something, so there wasn't really any avoiding the subject.

Love is stopping your world for someone. It's putting everything else on hold to make time for or accommodate the person, to listen, to help. It's stepping out of your box for them, no matter how uncomfortable it may make you. No matter how busy you are or what you have to do, they somehow take priority... They don't ask you to do it, you just do. You have to.

"I can tell you've been in love," she said.

That's the problem.

Well, I have homework to do and a game to watch. Pray that we beat TCU.