The thing is that this problem seems to affect other parts of my life... there's a root problem that I'm having trouble identifying and addressing. I was reading through some other blogs, and I took comfort in the fact that other people didn't necessarily know for a certainty where they were going, but the unsettling part was that they chose and moved.
And then there's me. I'm so afraid of regretting a decision that I remain stagnant... and I miss the experience of either journey.
But it's the same for my schooling, too. I'm literally trying to study everything I'm interested in. It is honestly killing me, but I'm so afraid of missing some chance or opportunity, of not being in the right place at the right time or lacking skills or experiences... or arriving at the end and realizing that I got off course at some point in the journey.
You have to choose. You can't just keep living in limbo. Of all of the choices, I think that that may be the worst. I may be able to knock myself out with my studies and end up with degrees in everything that I want, but I can't live a straight/gay life and enjoy the benefits of both.
Risk and regret are an inevitable part of life, I think. Every decision has an opportunity cost associated with it, so the best you can do is choose the best and live with it. I respect the people that can make a choice and live with it, that can move forward and trust in whatever it may be--the Lord, themselves. As for me, I need to work on that.
Two posts in one day--that may be a first.
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