So I've been talking to a couple other guys on the internet that are kind of in the same situation, too. They're here at BYU. Anyway, we exchanged pictures, and then I suddenly stopped hearing from them.
Now, bear with me for a moment here. Comparatively speaking, they aren't amazingly hot or anything-- wouldn't think of them as out of my league... I don't have severe scarring, I'm in decent shape, I don't have a problem getting girls--
Is there something I'm missing?! Anyway, I can't figure out, for the life of me, what the heck it is that makes them suddenly stop talking to me. Honestly, I'm pretty dang pissed because even if I were ugly, you shouldn't treat anyone like that.
Hopefully that doesn't sound arrogant. It just bothers me a lot. I'm pretty tired of it since this is the third time it's happened and all with guys that definitely wouldn't be considered out of my league.
Which brings me to another point-- I never even hinted at the possibility of there being something more than a friendship with these guys. As odd and confusing and amebic as it may be, I'm kind of in a relationship... just looking for other guys to relate to, you know?
Well, anyway, it brings me to an original and increasingly trite observation: I crave stability. I'd really like to have someone stick with me, you know? I mean, this guy is leaving, and it really is in his best interest, so I can't be mad about that. The girl is taking off, too-- also in her best interest. And then I'm back to where I started. It'd be nice to find someone that wouldn't leave.
Unlikely, especially when I'm in college, unless I want to get married (which isn't really a possibility right now) or find a guy here that I could have a lasting relationship with (which, it appears, is also not a possibility).
So the question of the day: Where does that leave me?
I guess it is an easy choice since no clear choice exists... I guess I do nothing. But I'm kind of tired of that. Maybe this is God's way of putting me on the path that I'm supposed to be on, but it feels kind of like that would be taking away a lot of agency... or maybe I'm full of crap.
I'd just like to figure out what I can do to be happy. I'm trying, and that's the part that's making me frustrated. This is no longer an issue of my teetering on the edge of a monumental decision, afraid to act or commit-- this is me making choices, mistakes that are helping me to arrive at a conclusion.
So I guess that's my life. I'm getting kind of frustrated with it. I know it'll be better when I wake up in the morning.
Some people are just looking for specific things in a person. It's not to say that your aren't attractive, but they may be placing you in a league that they believe is too far above where they are. Or, they may simply be looking for a different type of person. There are plenty of hot guys out there that I wouldn't date, and let's face it, swapping pics over the internet usually involves at least some sort of minimal interest - otherwise, why are you swapping pics? But I'm getting away from the main point I wanted to make. You're just starting on a new journey to find a long term relationship (and hopefully something more too). It's inevitable that there is going to be a large amount of mistakes, heartache, and fear, but also joy, anticipation, and excitement. But really, would it be any fun if there were no risks, no highs and lows? Granted, I'm in some sort of perverse state of joy lately and am just able to laugh at myself, my inexperience, and the angst I feel. But at the same time, it is so good to feel anxious about love for the first time in my life! Joy in the Journey - and yes, I like the EFY song - deal with it. =p
ReplyDeleteThanks. As much as I'd like some closure with 'em, I guess life goes on, right?
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