Drunk Girl

I sometimes wonder what something corporate was thinking when they wrote their songs... but I still like 'em. 

Less than a week. It sucks. We hung out yesterday-- made out a lot. Surprisingly, we haven't done anything serious. In fact, in a lot of ways, we're doing better than before... not to say that the idea doesn't come up. I like him a lot.

I guess I'm not sure what I'm going to do when he leaves. The good news is that I'll be heading home less than two weeks after that. I guess whenever I start to feel the weight of the realization (that he's leaving), it makes me want to be home. Maybe it sounds hokey, but there is something about being home that makes things seem a lot less worse. While my world is falling apart, I can be with my family and feel like everything is going to be ok. 

The term is getting kind of busy, too, so I'm really trying to keep everything under control because I really need the grades. 

I hate that my life is changing. It comes with the territory, I guess. It's hard, though, to decide between being emotionally distant and going out on a limb to connect with someone. On one end, you have a road with smaller ups and downs... on the other end, you're driving through figurative mountains and valleys. Are the mountains worth it?

They must be, or I wouldn't be choosing them over and over. Intense happiness inseparably connected by intense sadness-- not the picture of stability, I guess, but one of those things that makes life really strange and amazing. I guess I still haven't felt regret for making the choices I have-- the big ones. It did hit me (though only a little) when we did stupid stuff, but I never regretted setting foot on this path. I can't help but feel that it did something to make me better, as weird as that sounds... which only adds to confusion or unwillingness to acknowledge the realization that this implies. 

Well, anyways, I guess there isn't much that I can do. No stopping next week from coming, so I guess I just push forward... how long? Hopefully an explanation presents itself at some point in the near future. Until then, I keep going no matter how much it sucks. 

For hating drama so much, there seems to be a lot of it (however internally) in my life. Ah, the life of a gay mormon. Who knew?