I feel good. My scholastic future is secured. I feel refreshingly independent... I think that the fortuitous turn of events isn't the sole reason for the feeling, but it was, at least, a catalyst of sorts.
I feel like things are stabilizing. My friends, my family, my education, my future-- things that I am thankful for... things that I value.
There's the guy, and I love him (but shouldn't, but do, but... we've already been over this), but something has changed. I've changed. I feel more in control of myself, more in control of my reactions, responses, outlook. My situations-- I can't control them, but I can't be at their mercy. I can't be tossed about according to the wind, you know? More stable, more certain of myself, more ok with the person I am, less affected by the opinions of others.
I have full faith in my ability to establish a happy, successful life for myself and the people that I will ultimately share it with. I can't spend my time and energy trying to prove something to someone. I have nothing to prove to anyone.
There is no chance, no fate, no destiny that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul.
I love the quote because I believe it is both true and intensely applicable to my life. My choices regarding my sexuality? Not determined. A happy life? Determined. A successful life? Determined. A fulfilling life? Determined. Then chance, fate, destiny are rendered powerless, right? It sounds so much simpler than it is, but "difficult" and "achievable" are not synonymous.
Yeah, it's easy to write this while I'm currently feeling excellent, but I can't help but believe that it's true, come what may.
I won't brace myself. I'll fully enjoy the situation. And I'll forge ahead, even when things get tough... come to think of it, times like those are some of my happiest memories.
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