No school on Monday... that was excellent. So I had extra time to get all of the homework done that I had to do... Oh wait- no, I went on a road trip with my friends.
In fact, I did about 10 minutes of homework the entire vacation. But it was excellent. I went cross-country skiing for the first time in my life. I can sure run 15 miles ok, but put me on cross-country skis, and 3 miles was about all I wanted to do. The part where I ate it a few times didn't help the cause. It was a good workout, though--I could feel it.
I actually had a lot of fun. It's kinda hard to explain, but I didn't feel like I was "different" or whatever. It didn't even seem to matter. I have good friends.
And then, there was the part where the guy got back in contact with me. It's hard not to feel some of those old feelings reemerging, but part of me is angry at him, and part of me doesn't want to lean on or share my life with him. Does that sound weird? And part of me wants him back in my life...
I just want to know what he wants from me. I don't have a problem keeping in contact with him, but I also want to keep my distance. I don't want to get attached, again, and then be hurt... again... and at a time when I really need to have my shit together, I can't risk letting everything fall apart like it did this past summer. I literally ran home. I remember hearing from him and then deciding that I had to get away. It was finals, thank goodness, so I just crammed for the day and took them both. I can't do that this time.
Ok, that's enough.
I'm going to try to let this go. It just dug up all of those feelings. I mean, I already knew I had feelings for him still, but it's hard to describe the difference it made when he got back in contact with me. I've got to let these feelings go.
I've got stuff to do, stars to coax
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