It's My Life

Finals are over. I think the damage was minimal... hopefully

I hate having curved classes. You hope everyone does well, just not as well as you. We'll see. I could actually get a 4.0, which would be unheard of for me. I literally finished my finals, came home, packed my suitcase in an hour, and left for the airport. I slept 11 hours my first night home... woke up with a message from a company that I have a legitimate shot at getting an internship with. The guy volunteered enough information that I knew they were seriously considering me--talking about pay, hours, timeframe for the internship. The good news? It'd pay for all of my college... yeah... that'd be nice.

We'll see.

Ok, I have to tell this, and maybe it makes me sound crazy... but what do you care? I mean, if I haven't come across as at least a little bit crazy to you, just go read back a few entries.

I'm watching Criminal Minds... yeah... it's a pretty sweet show. And I wouldn't be writing about this if it weren't a recurring thing (not that it's happened in Criminal Minds, but in other shows.) But there's this gay kid in there... and the whole story is kinda weird since it wouldn't be worth watching if it weren't. Anyway, it all culminates in a point where the really good-looking guy is yelling at him that there's nothing wrong with him. I'm not doing the story justice because I don't want to. It's just that as I'm watching this, I'm thinking to myself, "Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that kid. I feel bad that people could make him feel that way."

Squealing tires, screeching brakes...

Well, if there's nothing wrong with him, there's nothing wrong with me. If there's nothing wrong with me, then what the hell am I doing? But it's the church. It's my family. It's my school, my future, my friends. There is something wrong with me. But I can't look at that fake TV kid and think that. I can't look at the other real people in my life like that and think that way. I'm with them. And either there is something wrong with all of us, or none of us. And I can't, no matter how hard I try, bring myself to think there's something wrong with them.

It exposes my flawed logic, my twisted, double standard of sorts... is that what it is?