So I sent my resume to a couple of firms here at home... yeah, call me lame, but I'd kind of like to intern here. Ever since I got home from my mission, I haven't really had an extended period of time to spend with my family, and going off to random city, USA, wouldn't help me feel more connected.
So yeah, resume sent off.
My first morning of the break, I get a call from an analyst at the one firm. He spends 45 minutes talking to me about my interests, the company, the position. The internship would require that I spend a semester back here. No problem. It pays really well, it gives me a stipend that I can pocket, a Christmas bonus... I mean, this would pay for all four years of school and more. "I'll see if we can even just skip HR," he says. Excellent. We schedule a meeting with the portfolio managers and a couple analysts that I'd be working with. I go in for the meeting and feel like everything went really well. I felt comfortable, knowledgeable, asked good questions, got good answers, gave good answers...
Then, I get an e-mail from one of the analysts saying that the internship program is in a weird position right now, and that they may not have a decision for a month or two...
Time out. In a month or two, I have to have a plan, or the summer will be a waste, and I will have a crappy chance at a career without a solid internship. OK.
Later, I get an e-mail from the portfolio manager saying that he felt like I would be a good fit for the position, but that the process hasn't really gone according to protocol...
I don't understand if I'm being brushed off? And why? I mean, seriously, the prospect has potentially derailed instantly and right before my eyes. I shouldn't jump to conclusions, but I no longer have a good feeling about the position. More than likely, they are going to be going and recruiting in the next month and are wanting to keep options open... meaning that I did something that made them doubt.
Damn. It. I function a lot more comfortably with a certain amount of transparency... and I can't help but feel that the situation has turned frustratingly opaque. So there you go.
It sucks because I'm worried about the future. I get really good grades in my classes, but I feel like maybe I'm lacking some finesse or people-skills or am on a watch list or something, and I hate the fact that I don't know what to do to make sure this doesn't happen again. It's hard to get interviews, so I hate the fact that I don't know what to do to make sure I don't screw up anymore.
I know I'll get a job. I know that life will be ok. I have plans and backup plans and last-ditch plans locked in huge, dusty, old-fashioned safes. Controlling risk--told you I am unendingly fascinated by the concept.
Ok, I'm done complaining about my life. What else is new? Still gay :) I'm gonna run a half marathon tomorrow... not expecting miraculous times, but I need to do something to stay in shape. I no longer have a six-pack... no longer have muscle definition to talk about. My world started revolving around school, I lost ten pounds (probably of muscle) and haven't ran for a month. Will you still love me when I am white, scrawny, and out of shape? Cuz even my tan has been departing.
P.S: got a wristwatch GPS thing for Christmas... can't wait to start trail running. Dear winter, please end quickly.
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