Early Birdie

I can feel my life hanging in this awkward, delicate balance. There is so much in my life that has the potential to go really, really well for me... but it's up in the air, unknown, uncertain. It kind of makes me uncomfortable because knowing bad news means you can deal with it; knowing good news is, of course, preferable; knowing no news is just not ideal.

Oh well.

Either way, it doesn't cease to amaze me how ridiculously well things can go in spite of my retarded self trying to get in the way. I find that I am ridiculously busy and happiest that way, happiest when it is a good busy. But once it gets to be the bad kind, I start falling apart. Let's just hope it doesn't get to the bad kind.

I get so frustrated by how easily I fall apart. But here I am, finding myself with blessings that I have done absolutely nothing to deserve. I walk around, I wait for things to go wrong in my life, but they don't. He's there, helping, blessing, and I feel like I do so little to show my appreciation, my sincere gratitude.

I had a dream about him last night after I had been reflecting on my current situation and completely undeserved blessings. Why? And I woke up and missed him. But the day picks up speed, and I don't think about it anymore. Then, I get to the end of the day and realize how good things are, how different I feel. Ugh. I have homework.