I have an internship--a substantial one. It's at home, too, which is nice. My parents are under the impression that I'm going to use it to get an offer out of the firm to stay at home and work after I graduate. Don't tell them, but I think I'm going to try to leverage it for a better job in a new place. Like I said before, the weather in Cali was pretty sweet...
But what am I getting at? This is the tricky part, and I hate the fact that I have to write this and the fact that it is pretty much (in my eyes) a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't know. Maybe it isn't... maybe my life just has the unluckiest timing in the world. But maybe not. Maybe He's trying to show me that He's here and blessing me.
The thing is, I've been keeping my life in order. I've been making a sincere and successful effort to do the right thing, to live the Gospel. And, concurrently, my future becomes a million times brighter, better. I don't know how to explain it, but not getting an internship for the summer was the equivalent of not getting a job when I graduate because no internship equals no experience... equals no job offer, equals doing something for the rest of my life that I wouldn't really want to do.
I'd like to believe that it was all me that got myself the job, but I can't. And try as I may, I can't stop recognizing His hand, His blessings. And the whole continues to tear... I continue to try to reconcile the unreconcilable, or to choose between two halves while feeling that I'll never be able to make a whole out of either.
But now, the weight of the next five years of my life has been lifted from my shoulders. The Pottery Barn ranch house comes within reach, although it may only have room for one...
Damn it.
I guess this is what I should be doing, though, if I'm going to be at school here. I need to do the right thing for the sake of my integrity. It'd be so much easier if He left me alone, if He gave up. Deep down, I'm so grateful He hasn't
No comments:
Post a Comment