Lovers in Japan

On rare occasions, I won't skip Coldplay on my Pandora station. Their songs sound mysteriously similar, though. Like "Clocks" and "Speed of Sound"... anyone? I was actually listening to "Clocks" when I crashed my car and had a sweet near-death experience, so it kinda does the opposite of relax me now.

In other news, I have finally put a shirt on for the day... and put my contacts in, too. This is the life.

I sometimes write stuff on here that I don't actually post, and I was reading through one of those unposted entries just now. I'm grateful that I can come here and dump the contents of my brain onto the webpage. Not sure if getting it out in the sunlight helps it wither and die, but it definitely helps.

Remember the persistent kid? He's back. Always catches me in a weak spot. Nothing can happen from the long distance, though.

This kid is so nice. First of all, I can actually have a conversation with him that doesn't revolve around him... unlike the original guy. Second, he doesn't push. Third, I don't think I've had someone actually beat me to paying for dinner, but it was kinda a nice feeling. Thought it would be emasculating, you know? Haha, but I guess I probably shouldn't even worry about that. And it isn't.

And so I started thinking the other day about how I don't necessarily believe I deserve this guy... which  made me wonder why... which made me wonder if I'm using relationships as a way to punish myself for being this way? Which made me really confused and a little worried, so I stopped thinking about it altogether.

Thing is, I think I do deserve someone nice- someone who'd be as willing to sacrifice for me as I'd be for them. I deserve someone who brings out the best in me, who doesn't make me feel like I have to try to be good enough.

Not like I've made plans to elope in a gay-marriage state with the kid or anything. I just appreciate the fact that every other text I get doesn't make me feel like I need to do something to make myself better. I appreciate that interacting with him helped understand this a little better.

That'll do for today.