The Adventure (Angels & Airwaves)

***Spoiler Alert! This really isn't worth your time to read.***

I guess I'm getting a little more consistent in my blogging, again.

What stories do I have to share with you guys? It's kinda funny how I sometimes get the feeling like I should get on here and talk about something, and then I sit down and realize I don't really have anything to talk about...

My Friday has been about as uneventful as possible. I watched Bones, did some yoga-

Which reminds me. My brother-in-law gave me the P90x yoga... I guess I'm use to yoga being kinda relaxing (slash really uncomfortable), but this was different.. First of all, I cannot tell if that guy is gay or straight, or maybe bi, or maybe asexual. And he's a tool. And he seems to have something against Audra. And he calls the dancer guy "a wild man." What does that even mean? And I know yoga is a workout, but this seems a lot more "work out-y" than normal... But let's be honest--I am far from an expert.

Anyway, then I did some laundry, cleaned, cooked myself a super-late dinner, and sat down to blog.

I am currently home alone, which can be a little creepy. I keep the music on, so that helps. One really nice thing is that things stay clean. I can look at the kitchen without having a seizure. But then I start thinking about someone breaking in and trying to kill me, and then I think about what I would do to stop them... It depends on what kind of weapon they had. As long as they don't have a gun, I have a fighting chance. Even with a gun, I'd still like to think I'd put up a fight.

Now that we've discussed that...

I really should go to bed. There is nothing meaningful that is coming from this blog post.

Dang it. I should write something meaningful.

I was trying to home teach the other day. As I'm giving the lesson, I suddenly realize that my heart really isn't in it... that it wishes it were, that it wishes it could kindle that fervent faith... It was kind of depressing. I got in the car and drove home in silence, trying to pinpoint what was happening. I think that I've begun to believe (and sincerely) that religion does not have a monopoly on goodness, that there are so many good and beautiful things and people in the world- people trying to do their best to lift and brighten and improve. On the other hand, there are church members who are complete douches.

If I had taken time to think about it, I probably could have delivered the message more meaningfully. The Church really did help awaken a desire for me to look outwards and spend my energy there, and I believe that it has worked miracles in my life. But I've realized that the Church doesn't have all of the answers.

Yes, we could argue that the Spirit is our guide in finding answers to the problems we have. That belief has been a source of personal conflict: no answer--what do I do? How do I make this go away? I don't even know where to start. I'm doing everything I know how to do. Maybe I just need to be doing it for longer. Maybe I need to take more drastic measures. Just don't let me feel like I'm doing this on my own. Don't let me feel like I'm doing this in vain.


Maybe I should have waited longer, been more patient. But it is hard for me to ignore the potential beauty I could experience in this life for the promise of being able to get by under a guise of normalcy... It's also hard to know if what I'm doing is courageous.

But there is no black and white answer for that. For some people, I believe that the courageous thing is to forfeit the potential happiness of living a gay life for their belief in the Gospel. It's all very gray and confusing.