One Step at a Time (Blame it on the radio)

So I heard from the guy today. I don't know why, but I felt mad?

Is that weird? I'm trying to figure out why, exactly, I feel angry at him. I don't think it's him. I think it's the person that I was when I was with him. As it turns out, I kinda hated that person. That person depended on the guy to make him feel like he was valuable, that person let the guy get in his head. That person was tossed around by the guy's whims.

And, as I posted earlier and then realized that I didn't want to post (and, therefore, changed my mind and removed it), I remember being fearless. I remember establishing a self-worth and not being willing to compromise on it. Somehow, that attitude diminished, culminating in a relationship in which I became someone I hated. I didn't realize that I had never really confronted that person, changed him. And as I try, I find it funny that this guy finds his way back into my life.

I've gotta stop myself there. I make the guy out to be evil. He's not. I'm just pissed.

Let me put it this way. When I got my internship, I called my mom to tell her the news. When she picked up the phone, she started complaining for 10 minutes (I know: it was 2/3 my walk home from school) about whatever was going on. I seriously didn't say anything (except "uh huh") because I couldn't get a word in. I finally interrupted her and asked her if she wanted to know why I was calling.

Thing is, that's not an unusual occurrence. Granted, I have actual conversations with my dad and two of my three siblings, but I guess I got to thinking that maybe I didn't have anything to say that was worth listening to. I got kinda used to being around people that didn't want to listen to me, so it seemed like business as usual with the guy... haha, I guess making out wasn't business as usual, but everything else.

What I should have done was grow a fuckin pair and put up a fight. I used to. I used to fight a lot, and I think I got tired of it. This guy doesn't want to take an interest in my life? He wants to find someone to talk about himself to? Then go to hell, dude.

I'm not looking for someone that's going to ask non-stop questions and listen intently to my every word; but, as it turns out, I've actually got a thing or two to say, so shut the hell up once in a while and listen.