Viva La Vida

I will be better about posting.

It was so hot for so long here. Now, it's actually turned back into the kind of summer I remember and love about being here. Granted, it is humid, but I've learned to appreciate it.

When I was little, I used to freak out in the heat. Seriously. My parents would have to open all of the car doors and let some of the heat out, turn the car on to get the air conditioner started, and I'd always be the last one in. Apparently someone missed the memo that I was supposed to be born into a family with millions and a chauffeur...

And then I was absolutely convinced that I was going to go somewhere cold on my mission--Vermont or Canada or Russia or something. Imagine my surprise, then, when I got called to the hottest place I've ever been to in my life. I'll never forget receiving a welcome letter from the mission president after I got my call. "The weather," it read, "is hot and humid during the spring, summer, and fall. It is warm and humid in the winter." Kinda funny, in hindsight... Three seasons of hell on earth. One season to fool you into stickin around...

the point being that now I have an iron will in the heat and humidity and find myself cold when the weather dips below 70.

Anyway, the guy from forever ago is pushing his way back into my life. I've gotta be honest--those feelings aren't there anymore. I tried to remember what it was like... convinced I couldn't feel any other way. I still care about him, but in a completely platonic way, you know? sounds stupid. I've already talked about this, though.

And me? my life has contracted to a 20-mile radius involving my family, work, and the occasional time with some friends from high school. It's nice. I still haven't changed my mind about looking elsewhere for a job, but it's kind of nice for me to be reminded that they'll always be here for me.

I mean, back to this guy... I know--I'm sorry. You can just skip to the end, but I'm not going to be able to do my point justice if I don't do a little explaining. It seemed like there were points in time where I just really needed to be reminded that I'm ok, you know? that everything's going to be ok. Not like my life revolves around intense drama and existential confusion, but in the randomness of life, I'm bound to run into a few bad days in a row, you know?

And during these times where I really just wanted someone to listen and let me know things were going to be ok, he wasn't there... or worse, he was there and aloof. Made me feel kinda shitty.

Don't get me wrong--I don't like to be babied. I'm hoping you understand what I'm getting at.

Anyway, I appreciate that things are different with my family. I know that there are people out there who would treat me just as well, too; I'm just glad that I have a whole family (nearly... but we won't get into that) of those people. They don't baby me or anything, but they listen, which is I guess what I appreciate the most.

It makes me feel safe. It makes me not afraid of bad days.

Well, that's enough of that. Sorry I disappeared. I'm hoping that something I say can serve some useful purpose in your life... sometimes, I feel like I vomit onto a keyboard and then send it off into cyberspace, you know?

Word vomit.

Mean Girls, anyone?

I'd go straight for Lindsey Lohan.

or Paris Hilton, for that matter...