Never Ready To Leave

I've got this frustrating thing where I can't stop watching a show or movie without knowing what happens.

It's not that uncommon, I know. But seriously--have you ever watched 'Brothers and Sisters?' First of all, waaaaay too much drama. Seriously. It's like everyone's epic family fights all mashed into one family and lived out consecutively. It's a horrible mess. But (and this is just an example. I watched all of the first two seasons in a week and was caught all the way up to the present. I haven't watched it since and don't want to be hooked, again. This was a really long parenthetic comment) I couldn't stop myself from watching.

Or "The Riddle." Hands down the gayest (and not in the good way) movie I've ever seen in my entire life. If you ever get the chance, it might be worth it to watch it. It was so bad that it was almost impressive.

Or CSI or Bones or Law and Order--although these are good shows. So I've gotten into the habit of just finding out the name of the episode and looking up a summary on the internet. Or looking up summaries of the entire season. I can get the closure I want without investing an entire hour (or week) and then accidentally getting hooked on another episode before I muster the willpower to turn off the TV.

Where was I going with that? Oh yeah: I'm sad I just watched TV for three hours. I feel like my life has wasted away. On the bright side, I put in a solid six hours of studying, so I guess this day can't be chalked up as a complete loss.

I had plans to come out to my little sister. I'm glad I didn't. I've made this closet nice and homey, so why be in a rush? I should at least graduate. Since I'm not gettin' any sugar while I'm at school, there's no point in adding another unnecessary (albeit honest and barrier-shattering and humanizing) dimension to my life? But I was thinking about it. Maybe we've already talked about this?

I feel like my family sees me as the "good" kid, you know? I mean, not to say that I'm not good... but just not especially so, you know? And they make jokes about it and whatever, but they're kinda serious jokes. What am I getting at? I'd just like to ease 'em into it. Once I graduate, I will have my own job in a different city and be a separate person, and I think I will be more comfortable at that point. I dunno. It's kinda hard to explain.

I just don't want to experience all of that with the awkwardness of either living with them or being at school after having told them. I just wish they'd stop seeing me as the "good" one... not that I should be the "bad" one, either; but, hey, we've all got shit to get together, right?